


I'm headed straight for the castle/they want to make me their queen

by lostunderthemountain



Series: Stuff From Tumblr [13]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Historical, Arranged Marriage, Bard's mama has suffered, F/M, Female Kíli, Thranduil's a dick, and leggles is just weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:24:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5639008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostunderthemountain/pseuds/lostunderthemountain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kíli, daughter of Dís (princess of Erebor) and Bard, son of Ingrid (princess of Dale) are both thrown into circumstances far beyond their control.<br/>...It's a good thing they're both attracted to each other<br/><strike>not that cancels out the fact they were on the opposite sides of the war</strike></p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm headed straight for the castle/they want to make me their queen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jaimeapollo (G4LL0WSC4LL1BR4T0R)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/G4LL0WSC4LL1BR4T0R/gifts).



> So, I was prompted by @grantaireing to write something about this:
>
>> the “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it” au
> 
> And here we go: 

Bard shifted on his saddle, tired and cold. His father’s army had been marching for the last five weeks, trying to find a new kingdom to rampage through - eager as they were to loot and rape and destroy. It was now the middle of the night and they were still moving.

  
His father - Thranduil, who called himself Emperor of the Known Lands - finally called for a halt upon the top of a large hill. Intrigued, Bard urged his horse forward, coming up next to his half brother: Legolas. He gaped as he saw a city sprawled in the valley below. The houses shone white in the moonlight and he saw the warm glow of fires in their windows. The palace rose up in the middle of it all, creating a resemblance to a mountain*. Despite that though, it reminded Bard so much of Dale he felt homesickness surge through him.

  
“What is this place?” He asked, wonder colouring his voice.

  
“The Kingdom of Erebor,” His father answered, looking down on the city in disdain, “they say that the walls have never been breached…”

  
“Should I give the signal father?” Legolas asked, an odd smile stretching across his face. Thranduil seemed to consider this for a minute.

  
“No.” He eventually decided, “Send someone to give their king this message: they have until sun down to surrender and open the city for us, or we will destroy them completely.”

* * *

 

Kíli watched as her uncle’s face turned red in an attempt to keep his anger reigned in.

  
“Did your lord say anything else?” Balin, thank the Maker, asked the messenger before any of the more volatile courtiers could regain their wits.

  
“No sir, he did not,” The man said, standing straighter, “And the Emperor is not a man to be trifled with, you would be best to do as he says.”

The court of Erebor laughed. They laughed long, loud and hard. Expect Kíli, who twisted her fingers together in worry. Her uncle stood from the throne, the court quietened down.

  
“Tell this so called Emperor,” He began, “That the only way he will see to my surrender is if he kills me himself. The Line of Durin will not see Erebor fall into the hands of a misguiding tyrant.”

  
The court laughed again, and heckled the messenger out of the room. The King immediately began walking to his private study, with Balin, Fíli and Dwalin following him. Kíli slunk through the crowd and down to secret tunnel that led to Thorin’s study (it would not do for the King to be seen receiving advice from his bastard niece, after all).

  
“We will be able to fight them off,” Fíli was insisting when Kíli arrived, “Erebor has withstood hundred of assaults before now. Surely we can withstand soft men from the West.”

  
“Thranduil’s army has been blooded, they are tested and battle ready whilst our army is filled with boys who are greener than their own piss!” Dwalin pointed angrily, “We are in no position to make the threat you just did Thorin?”

  
The King glared at his oldest friend.Their friendship had never quite been the same after Kíli’s birth, according to everyone who had known them well - even Fíli said they seemed different with each other.

  
“That matters not now, ready our army, we attack at dawn.”

  
Less than a day later, Fíli marched his sister to the Royal Treasury, knowing she would be safer there.

  
“Smaug will keep you safe, won’t you Smaug?” The Lion of Erebor asked the Great Dragon, who slept in the gold and was honour bound to protect any Princess of Erebor. The dragon huffed at the stupidity of the question (and probably the stupidity of the prince who asked it) and Kíli giggled.

  
“You better come back,” She told her brother, tangling their hands together, “I don’t want to be left alone here.”

  
Fíli smiled gently and pressed soft kisses to her cheeks, making her laugh again.

  
“Oh my sweet sis, I could never abandon you.”

  
Hours passed. Kíli paced back and forth, worrying the cuff of her sleeve. The four Dwalin had trusted to defend her with their lives watched her worriedly.

  
“Kíli - Kíli stop!” Nori grabbed her arms, forcing her to stop, “You are doing no good worrying yourself like this.”

  
“I can’t help it,” Kíli insisted, “I feel as though I will never see them again!”

  
Dori tutted sympathetically.

  
“There now lass, all will be fine,” he pressed a cup of hot tea into her hands, “Have some of this now, it will soothe your nerves.”

  
Kíli smiled gratefully, downing the drink. It took a moment, but she collapsed into Nori’s arms, fast asleep. Smaug snorted, shifting amid the gold, head rearing up.

  
“Oh shush,” Dori told the dragon as Nori moved the princess to the divan (put in the treasury in case Kíli did fall asleep while talking to Smaug) “You know as well I that it’s the only way to keep her calm.”

  
Smaug snorted again.

  
“I don’t agree with your methods though.” He rumbled, curling his tail around the divan. Dori rolled his eyes, but Bofur and Bifur cackled from by the door. After all, what could go wrong?

* * *

 

Bard sheathed his sword, ignoring the way his blood splattered hands shook. The battle had been long and ultimately fruitless. They were still no where near breaching Erebor’s walls.

  
Unfortunately, both the King of Erebor and his heir (a prince) were dead, so chances of negotiation were very slim. Before going to his father’s tent, he organised a cart to take the Ereborian royals back to their home, so they could be buried properly.

  
“I say we should storm the gates while they are weak, they will not be expecting another attack so soon.” Legolas was insisting when Bard entered their father’s tent.

  
“If we do that we’ll only be depleting our own forces.” Bard butted in, “Our soldiers are exhausted after such a battle, they’ll may try to rebel if we try to force them to attack now.”

  
“Bard has a point.” their father agreed (Legolas scowled), “We can wait them out. They have no one to lead them now, they come begging to us eventually.”

* * *

 

Kíli’s hands shook as she took the crown from Dwalin.

  
“Your uncle made us vow that, should both he and your brother fall, we would crown you as our queen.” he explained, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Kíli looked down at the crown again, brushing her thumb over the jet that created the ravens.

  
“Lass, there is no one else.” Dwalin whispered. Kíli’s jaw set.

  
“Ask Balin to assemble the council, I have an idea on how to fix this debacle.” She asked him. When he left, bowing deeply, Kíli walked up to a mirror and slowly placed the crown on her head. It fell over her eyes, so she tried again, angling it so the ravens sat on top of her head, not on her forehead.

  
It didn’t look right, but it would have to do for now.

* * *

 

Bard shifted on his feet. He’d been sent by his father to speak with the new Queen of Erebor. He had wondered why, as most monarchs would see it as an insult to be visited by a bastard, his mother’s brother had made that quite clear in Bard’s youth.

  
This new queen, Kíli, seemed to be late…or maybe Bard was just early…A loud trumpet sounded, and a young girl entered the tent that had been erected specifically for the peace talks. She was dressed in a black dress with lace sleeves and blue accents. On her head was the crown of Erebor, which he remembered gracing the brow of Thorin Oakenshield very recently.

  
“Queen Kíli I presume?” Bard asked, raising an eyebrow.

  
“Y-Yes,” the girl smiled shakily, “Legolas Thranduillion?” she asked in turn, brow crinkling from her unsureness.

  
“Bard,” He corrected, “son of Ingrid, princess of Dale. Legolas is my younger…and legitimate brother.”

  
“Oh…”

  
“Does that offend you Your Grace?” He asked, bracing himself for the answer.

  
“I’d be a hypocrite if it did,” the young queen told him, “my mother never really disclosed who my father was.” She smiled, sweetly this time. Bard found himself smiling back.

  
“Should we talk peace, Your Grace?”

* * *

 

“Their terms are not acceptable in the slightest!” Surthi snapped later that night, as she and Kíli drank wine and discussed the day’s events in the throne room, Smaug’s head resting just outside the door to the Treasury.

  
“I think even Bard knows that…” Kíli agreed, swirling her wine, “I cannot allow Thranduil to enter our…my kingdom and take the resources that we depend on, or allow his soldiers in to do as they please.”

  
“…You have something in mind, don’t you?” Surthi asked, pouring more wine out for the pair.

  
“I was thinking maybe marriage,” Kíli began, “Thranduil would agree to it! It would mean that he would have someone in Erebor but we can keep our freedom!”

  
“You’d have one of Thranduil’s sons as your consort? One of his spawn so close to the throne would be dangerous…”

  
Kíli leaned back in her chair, mulling over the possibilities.

  
“He has a bastard…”She said softly, “Would that work more in our favour?”

* * *

 

Thranduil put the letter down. This little bastard queen was as irritating as her uncle had been, but her proposition was interesting and presented many opportunities.

  
“Bard,” the Emperor called out to his son, who was looking over the map of their conquests, “How do you feel about marriage?”

**Author's Note:**

> TBC…because holy crap that got long and I might be writing more…
> 
> What did you think? Please review! :*


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